Trenger vi en bucketlist?

 
Sitter du godt? Lukk øynene og forestill deg at du er 80 år.
 
Hva har du opplevd?
 
Det er mange situasjoner, men akkurat nå er det vanskelig å huske dem. Jo, nå demrer det litt. Du husker da barna dine ble født. Det var stas. Og barnebarna. Så kry du var. Barna og barna deres er dine øyenstener. Dere har gjort masse fint sammen. Hva gjorde dere egentlig?
 
Det demrer litt. Du husker da du lærte sønnen din å knytte slipsknute, akkurat sånn som faren din lærte deg det. Du smiler litt. Hvem skulle trodd at det var den første situasjonen du skulle huske? Det slår deg at du og sønnen har besteget Kilimanjaro sammen, og at det er en mye større hendelse. Kilimanjaro må stå på “bucket-listen” vår, det hadde sønnen din sagt.
 
Det stod mer på den “bucket-listen”, men før du rekker å tenke mer på det, dukker minnene om onkelen din opp. Han døde av kreft. Han var den første døde du så. Du har fortsatt øynene igjen, og bilder av den døde onkelen din ruller over netthinnen. Han lå inne på gjesterommet før de hentet ham. Noen hadde tatt på ham en mørk dress. Hvem kan det ha vært?
 
Nå spør jeg deg om jobben din. Har du hatt en jobb som har du har trivdes med? Du svarer ja. Du er stolt over det du har gjort i arbeidslivet. Du har virkelig stått på. Mange lange kvelder, mange rapporter. Skulle du ønske at du hadde jobbet enda mer?
 
Hele livet har du tenkt at du må stå på. Du må prestere. Jobbe. Oppnå resultater. Du har kjent på forventninger. Og du har innfridd, så det holder. Hvorfor det egentlig? Hvem er det som har forventet så mye av deg? Har du levd i 80 år uten å være sjef i eget liv?
 
Du lener deg tilbake i designerstolen din. Du har egentlig aldri likt den, den er ubehagelig å sitte i. Hvorfor du kjøpte den, det husker du ikke lenger. Skulle du imponere noen? Du kan ikke huske at noen har sagt noe om den. Verken den, eller det lekre huset, eller den dyre bilen. Faktisk er det lenge siden du hadde besøk også. Flere av vennene dine er gått bort, og de andre er egentlig borte også. Du savner tiden med dem. Hvorfor forsvant de?
 
Du kjenner deg ensom, men du er vant til å holde ting for deg selv. Sånn har det vært hele livet. Du lærte som barn at vanskelige ting skulle det ikke snakkes om. Nå er du 80 år, og du spør deg selv: Hvorfor? Hvorfor våget jeg ikke å vise svakhet? Hvorfor våget jeg ikke å være mer åpen om hvordan jeg hadde det? Skulle jeg imponere her også? Har livet mitt dreid seg om å imponere andre?
 
Lukk opp øynene. Du er ikke 80 år. Ennå.
 
Det er ikke enkelt å spå hva som er viktig for oss når vi er 80 år og ser tilbake på livet. Er det de store tingene vi gleder oss mest over? Trenger vi en bucket-list?
 
Kanskje tenker vi heller at vi kunne latt oss selv være mer lykkelig? Gjort mer av det vi liker, og mindre av alt det andre? Kanskje vi tenker at vi burde bestemt mer selv? Imponert oss selv mer enn vi har imponert andre? Våget å være hele mennesker, både i gode og dårlige dager? Kanskje tenker vi at det var vennene vi skulle brukt mer tid på?
 
Et godt valg i hverdagen er å gjøre små ting i dag som du blir glad for den dagen du tenker at alt det fine og gode i livet ligger bak deg.
 
Lykke til!
 
 

 
 


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