Kan du kunsten å håpe?


I næringslivet handler det om å strekke omsetningsmålene, skape solide bunnlinjer og å spise markedsandeler. Suksessen måles i penger og tid. Hvor mye klarer du å øke pengesekken? Hvor raskt klarer du det? I kampen om heder og ære er det liten anledning til å tenke langsiktig. Suksess krever handling her og nå.
Det heter seg at tålmodighet er en dyd, altså en opplært egenskap. Med det kolossale tidspresset som er i næringslivet, er det lite sannsynlig at vi lærer oss tålmodighet der. Så hvor lærer vi det da?
Hjemmet er fristedet for folk flest, og stedet hvor vi normalt lever ut våre preferanser. Her lar vi ofte svakheter være svakheter, og vårt sanne jeg blir vist frem. Hjemme trenger vi ikke prestere, imponere eller temme følelser. Vi kan i stedet være late og likegyldige, eller kanskje være sure, masete og egoistiske. Ikke det beste stedet å lære seg tålmodighet, med andre ord.
Tålmodighet virker ikke å være et naturlig innslag i livet vårt. Trenger vi egentlig denne dyden?
Etablerte, langvarige relasjoner baserer seg ikke på solskinnsdager og godt skjulte svakheter. Her må grå hverdager gi nok næring. Den overøsende oppmerksomheten som gjerne preger relasjonen i starten, erstattes gradvis med rutiner og selvfølgeligheter. I stedet for å kommunisere, lar vi hjemmets likegyldighet og jobbens effektivitetskrav prege våre relasjoner. De grå hverdagene blir bare grå, helt uten næring. For den utålmodige som savner lidenskapen, blir tålmodighet den verste fienden. Jo mer den utålmodige maser om oppmerksomhet, jo mer trekker den tålmodige seg unna. Den tålmodige venter bare på fred nok til å orke å yte, men maset kveler initiativet, lysten og gleden.
Antakelig forsøker både foreldre, pedagogiske ledere og lærere, alle med egne personlige preferanser, å lære oss tålmodighet som barn. Men tålmodighet er ikke som matematikk og grammatikk, hvor klare regler sier hva som er rett og galt. Skolen fungerer langt på vei som næringslivet. Alt skal kunne måles.
Hva er god tålmodighet? Hvordan måler vi den? Hvordan kan den læres bort?
Det ligger kanskje mer i ordet enn det vi først oppfatter; Tål modighet? Er det dette det handler om?
Personlig tror jeg tålmodighet er kunsten å håpe.
Et godt valg i hverdagen er å respektere at tålmodighet har en verdi, og at det trengs øvelse for å bli god.


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