Gode hensikter?

 
Forestill deg at du føler deg glad og fornøyd. Du snakker åpent og trygt, og du veier ikke ordene før du sier dem. Du kommenterer med glimt i øyet, og spøker ironisk. Forestill deg videre at du snakker til en person som ikke er i samme følelsesmessige tilstand som deg. La oss si at vedkommende er meg, og at jeg føler meg energiløs og nedstemt. Følelsesmessig er vi på 2 forskjellige planeter. Du slenger ut en kommentar. Den er ment som munter og positiv, men for meg er den upassende og negativ. Hva skjer?
 
Den påfølgende situasjonen kan ha forskjellige utfall. La oss gjøre en kjapp refleksjon om feilslåtte kommentarer og hvordan vi håndterer dem.
 
Det enkleste er når ingen av oss oppfatter at kommentaren er upassende. Her kan vi si at “det du ikke vet, har du ikke vondt av”.
 
Dersom det kun er du selv som oppfatter feiltrinnet, er du først og fremst heldig som ikke sårer meg. Samtidig er du også i en læringsposisjon. Hvordan påvirkes du av dine egne feil? Rister du dem bare av deg, eller lar du samvittigheten gnage? Det krever øvelse å være etterpåklok på forhånd.
 
Den mest usympatiske situasjonen oppstår når du er den som ikke skjønner at du har sagt noe upassende. Din mangel på empati og selvinnsikt setter mitt reaksjonsmønster på prøve. Du er avhengig av at kommentaren din håndteres godt, noe som i praksis betyr at jeg ikke tilegner budskapet ditt verdi.
 
I de fleste tilfeller vil en feilslått kommentar oppfattes umiddelbart, gjerne etterfulgt av en ørliten stillhet, der begge gjør en kjapp analyse. Hva skjer nå? Det enkleste er å la følelsene få fritt spillerom. Optimalisere effekten. Bli veldig såret, eller kanskje veldig skuffet, lei seg, sint eller irritert? Kanskje svare igjen?
 
Alternativet er å gjøre en kognitiv tilnærming, bli bevisst negative tanker og jobbe mot å endre dem. Er det mulig å tenke at kommentaren var utilsiktet? At det egentlig var gode hensikter bak? At vi alle er feilbarlige, og nå skjedde en glipp, men det tåler vi? Skal ikke et godt vennskap tåle alt som blir sagt? Det er alltid mulig å balansere det negative med å finne støtte i noe positivt. Selv om kommentaren var negativ, hva godt kom ut av den?
 
Hvis du er normal, vil du garantert oppleve å komme med uheldige kommentarer. Når det skjer, vil du være takknemlig om de håndteres på en god måte.
 
Våre følelser danner bakteppe for hvordan vi tenker og tolker. Det som er feil for noen følelser, er riktig for andre. Slik misforstår vi hverandre. Et godt valg i hverdagen er derfor å tro at mennesker har gode hensikter.
 
Lykke til!
 
 

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