Den gang da mor var hjemme

Det var tirsdag, og klokken nærmet seg elleve. I den ene hånden hadde jeg en blokkfløyte, og i den andre hånden holdt mor. Jeg var 4 år og enebarn. Far var på arbeid. Jeg husker mor lot meg hoppe ned alle trinnene i trappa, helt fra 4. etasje. Så ruslet vi over gaten, forbi lekeplassen og bort til det gule huset hvor Anita bodde. Der stod Anita, Geir og moren deres og ventet på oss. Anita og jeg var venner. Hun var 5 år og kunne veien alene, sa hun. Så ruslet alle videre.

 

Anita og jeg gikk i barnehage, og nå var vi på vei til den. Det var en musikkbarnehage, og der var vi 1 time i uken. Tirsdager fra klokken elleve til tolv. Geir var bare 3 år, og egentlig litt for liten til å være med. Han pleide å sitte på fanget til moren sin, mens vi spilte.

 

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Bortsett fra å være enebarn, var min barndom temmelig lik mange andres. Vi var hjemme med mor, mens far arbeidet. Å oppdra barn på barnas premisser var en selvfølge. Oppdragelsen skulle bære preg av praktisk læring gjennom lek, noe som ofte krevde tid og tålmodighet. Gjennom å delta i dagligdagse gjøremål, det være seg å lage mat, vaske opp for hånd og å kle på seg selv, skulle barnas ferdigheter stimuleres. Barna skulle oppleve verden i sitt eget tempo.

 

Det tradisjonelle familiemønsteret som fortsatt holdt stand da jeg var liten, var på ingen måte tilrettelagt for kvinners selvrealisering. Mens fedre var blant andre fedre, og fikk utfolde seg sosialt og intellektuelt på arbeidsplassen, ble mødre gående hjemme med et uforløst potensiale. Utvikling av egne evner, minst like gode som mennenes, ble ofret for ha tid nok til å følge opp barna.

 

I likestillingens navn er vi heldigvis forbi dette stadiumet, og i dag har kvinner og menn tilnærmet like muligheter til å realisere sitt potensiale. Malen for en familie har endret seg drastisk, og nå er det normalt at begge de voksne er i arbeidslivet. Som oftest i fulltidsstillinger. Samfunnet er lagt opp til 2 inntekter, både fordi det er kostbart å leve, men også fordi velstand og forbruk har blitt et mål på hvor godt vi har klart å realisere oss selv.

 

Denne situasjonen gjør at vi voksne dras i 2 forskjellige retninger. Vi ønsker oss flinke og veloppdragne barn, samtidig som vi jobber stadig hardere med å lykkes med vår karriere. Løsningen vi tar til, er økt effektivitet over hele linjen. I stedet for ha god tid til noe, har vi liten tid til alt.

 

For at kabalen skal gå opp, må barn i dag gå i barnehage. Noen blir sågar levert før jobb og hentet etterpå. Det er lange dager, også for små barn. Ansvaret for oppdragelsen har vi overlatt til barnehagepersonell, og etter hvert også til lærere, SFO-ansatte, fritidsklubbledere og fotballtrenere. I vårt samfunn er barn et statussymbol som vi ikke har anledning til å følge opp. I stedet for å tilbringe mye tid med dem, duller vi dem inn i designerklær og dyre reiser, og håper at det er tilstrekkelig med litt kvalitetstid inni mellom. Det kan synes som om vi ønsker at barna skal bli voksne så fort som mulig, slik at vi kan bruke mer tid på å realisere oss selv, og bygge vår velferd og posisjon.

 

Endringene i samfunnet de siste 40 årene har utvilsomt åpnet mulighetene for oss voksne. Mulighetene er ikke bare åpnet opp, de er nærmest påtvunget oss. Samtidig har vi muligens gamblet med barna og deres utvikling. Praktisk læring gjennom lek, har i stor grad blitt erstattet med teori og likegyldighet. I stedet for å lære hvor mye arbeid som ligger bak for å oppnå noe, vokser barna opp med voksne som kjøper seg ut av tidsklemma. Der vi tjente penger på å gå med aviser og pante tomflasker, opplever mange ungdommer i dag at en jakke til 8000 kroner er en selvfølge å få av foreldrene.

 

Fallhøyden er stor. Ikke alle barn klarer å tilpasse seg et høyhastighetssamfunn tilpasset voksne. Angsten for ikke å være som andre er nådeløs. Tankene som svirrer i hodet på en ungdom når jakken uteblir, mest sannsynlig fordi kassen til de voksne er tom, kan røyne hardt på selvbildet til en ung mann. Hva har jeg gjort som ikke får en slik jakke, slik som alle andre? Er jeg ikke god nok?

 

Alt var ikke bedre før. Tvert i mot. Vi har aldri hatt så gode levevilkår som nå. Og aldri har begge kjønn vært mer selvrealiserte. Vi kan lett velge å være lykkelige. I hvert fall som voksne. Hvordan våre barn og unge vil få det som voksne i fremtiden, vil bare tiden vise. Kanskje lærer de mer enn vi tror? Kanskje får de andre mål enn våre?

 

Det er usannsynlig at vi noen gang vil gå tilbake til det familiemønsteret som vi hadde før. Det betyr at vi fremover må forvente å bruke tiden godt når vi først er med barna. Vi må akseptere at god tid ikke betyr å ha mye tid, men å ha kvalitetstid. Et godt valg i hverdagen er å bli bevisst på hva kvalitetstid betyr for deg og dine barn.

 
 


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